Being a young mom means we met a little early, but I get to love them longer.

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Tuesday, June 1, 2010

All good things come to an end..

So today marks the first day of my truly single mom life. For some reason he has decided to completely give up on his family. Today he came to take me to buy a belt for my car, and then said he couldn't fix it today because he "had his own things to do." Well he's had his own things to do everyday since Friday. He was the first person to leave my graduation party because he "had to help his friend." Then he had promised me for three weeks that he was going to come to 1890's day with us. I called him and told him I needed him to come get us and we would meet my dad down there. Well 15 minutes after he was supposed to be there he wasn't. Luckily it was close enough for us to walk, but not in time for us to see the whole parade. When I got down there he was there with his friend and he said I told him my dad was picking me up.. he just blatantly wasn't listening and then he decided he was going to leave after only being there for an hour, so I asked him to bring me her car seat so my dad could take us home later.. he brought me the car seat base. Again he was too busy worrying about his friend, and wasn't listening to me. He came back later so we could watch the fireworks, but left as soon as they were over, and again he was with his friend. So much for a fun family day.. it was fun, but not with him.
Then yesterday he was supposed to come so we could order my belt. He promised me he would, but then he blew me off because he "had to work on his car." His car that runs.. when my car doesn't. Then today after he told me he had things to do I said, "It seems like everything is more important than us." He got mad, stormed out, and left. Then I got a text saying "I don't think we should even date anymore." We texted back and forth and eventually it came to the point that I don't make him happy..
I cooked for him, cleaned all his messed, set bored out of everyday as he played video games all day long, did anything sexually for him when he wanted it whether I wanted to or not, lost all of my guy friends because of his jealousy, sat at home while he went out with his friends, took care of OUR baby from the time I got home until the next morning when I had to go to school again, took care of him every time he was sick (which was there were many times), paid for his food and let him have a place to live while he spent any money he earned on everything except his daughter.. I did everything for him, and somehow he's not happy and I'm the one doing everything wrong.
He got me pregnant on purpose.. yes my dirty little secret is out. I had talked about how I would like to have a baby, but that I wanted to wait until we were older and financially stable. He "agreed" and told me he would pull out.. I know that's not the best method of protection, and I just figured that is why I got pregnant.. no, a few months back he told me that he got me pregnant on purpose because he didn't think he was going to live long and he wanted to see his child grow up. And now what does he do? Leaves me alone to take care of her.. and that is the problem.. she is a she. He cried when we found out she was a girl, and not tears of joy.. he wanted a boy. He always complained that she would never like him and they would have nothing in common, so I guess she's just not good enough for him. I know he loves her, but he doesn't think he is positive he will never bond with her, so I guess he just doesn't care.
I always said how "great" everything was between us, but it never was. We had our good moments, but then it was over, and the fighting started again. I really wanted to fix things.. to be a happy family for Grace, and I was in it for the long haul. I was going to do whatever it took to make it work, so Grace could have her mommy and her daddy together, but he obviously wasn't in it for the long haul. He gave up after just a week.. no one said it would be easy of fixed over night, but apparently it has to be that way for him and that just won't work. And I am not going to sit around and wait for him to be ready. He has hurt me enough. It breaks my heart to realize that we really are done. We used to be so amazing together. I don't understand what happened.. I guess it all started when he cheated on me.. we were never the same after that. I just wish so much that we really were meant to be together. I do love him, but honestly I don't know why I do.. he never treated me right anymore. He didn't even treat our daughter very well. I guess it's just that I my heart doesn't want to give up, but my head knows it is time.

1 comment:

  1. Girl, you are brave. And you tried so hard. It isn't you. It's him. If he could have just waited on Grace-she is a Baby. Sami did the same thing. Now she is, "Daddy Daddy Daddy." I just hope everything works out for you. It will be okay. Text if you need me.