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Sunday, June 13, 2010

My little rant..

I post regularly on the 16 and Pregnant message boards.. through that it has made me see somethings more clearly.. peoples intentions are misguided. I have personally been called a liar for claiming I am intelligent. A woman told me that there was no way I could be intelligent if I "was stupid enough to have unprotected sex and get pregnant". Yes, I made a mistake by having unprotected sex, and I got pregnant, but my daughter will never be a mistake. Every baby is born for a reason, and God has a plan for my daughter and me. I have also been told that there was no way I could be a good mother because I was a teenager.. personally I believe age is just a number, and it is all about how you take on the responsibility of parenthood. If I looked at it and said "I am still a teenager and I am going to act like one" then I would never be a good mother, but I didn't. I saw what was in front of me and I took it in stride. I knew from the time that I saw that little word "pregnant" I could no longer act like a teenager.. I had to grow up and become a mother, a nurturing, loving, caring mother. I have also had numerous statistics thrown in my face. "You won't graduate high school." "You will live on welfare." "You will never graduate college." "I will never have a well paying job." The list goes on and on.
I graduated high school.. and the only government assistance I receive is WIC, but the majority of mothers I know of any age receive WIC. As far as college and a well paying job goes.. I have my goals set.. only God knows if I will achieve them, but I know I am going to try my hardest. I also know that those four years of college ahead of me absolutely terrify me, and people who insist on insuring me I "won't graduate college" do not help to ease my fears at all. I do not understand why people who are not nor were ever teenage mothers feel the need to go on a message board for teenage mothers and bashed us into the ground. It is not just me, but all of us that are ridiculed on there. If we try to report something positive we are told that we are lying. Negative statistics are shoved in our faces constantly as if the media doesn't do that good enough for us. I don't know about anyone else, but I know that I hate hearing that stuff. I someone was going to run a marathon, and in the months of training before that all people told them was how hardly anyone makes it to the finish line and how hard it was going to be do you think that person would be more likely to finish the race or drop out? People need to offer the "runner" words of encouragement, tips on how to finish the race, assure them that 'yes some people do drop out, but some people do make it too'. It makes no since to terrify someone.. I am lucky that God has gifted me with intelligence, but I have no doubt that if I was an average student or especially if I just barely made through high school those type of people would make me consider not going to college and just trying to find a job. The thought of that has crossed my mind at times, but I know that is not what is best for my daughter and me. To me it seems that these people may be creating more of a problem than there already is. I know that they are not helping anyone.. it does no good to tell anyone they can't do something..
I think these peoples intentions have crossed over to the wrong path.. they are bashing people who are just trying to do the best they can, and bashing our achievements as well. If they are trying to help they are not.. plain and simple. Maybe they think they will scare us into succeeding, but I have no doubt that more often than not they scare us into failing.
There are 12 and 13 year old girls who post on the message boards saying how they want to have babies. I am not really sure what is going through their heads because I know that was the last thing on my mind when I was 12. They say that they have babysat so they know what it would be like. I have news for them.. it is nothing like babysitting. And I tell them that. I would never advocate a young girl getting pregnant. Yes they could turn out to be a great mother, but no matter how good of a mother you are it will always be harder for us in every way. And then what if that girl decided she still wanted to act like a teenager.. that poor baby would never have a good life. That is why I would never support a young girl wanting a baby or even having unprotected sex. This may make me sound like hypocrite, but I have learned now, and have different views.  However, I notice that the same posters who degrade teen moms "handle these girls with care" so to speak, and I do not understand that at all. These are the girls who need to be scared. They need the statistics thrown in their faces to know what they could face. I just can't fathom why a girl who already has a baby gets ridiculed when we are doing well, when what really need is advice (most of us except it in any form, shape, or way), and then a girl who is very willing to become a girl with a baby is treated kindly. It makes no sense to me. I believe that if there was a greater support system for teenage mothers there would be much more success among us. I just wish these people could see the damage they are doing..

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