Being a young mom means we met a little early, but I get to love them longer.

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Thursday, May 19, 2011

A few things I never thought about until I was a parent..

This is kind of like the 10 facts we did about ourselves, but I figured I would put a new spin on it because I have been thinking a lot about things that you never think about before you are a parent.. feel free to steal it from me lol.

Also, I just wanted to point out that just because I feel this way about these things, I do NOT look down on people who don't feel the same way.. I completely understand that different things work better for different people.
I've also talked about some of these things before, but I wanted to elaborate on them.

1. Car seats:
- I know car seats are a law, but believe it or not I know several people who don't use car seats or don't really care if they are in properly.. Well, I know that kids aren't incredibly fond of being strapped in, but I would much rather have an unhappy child, then have have my child die in a car crash because I didn't buckle them in properly or at all. And honestly, since Grace has never had any other choice she doesn't complain about being in her carseat. There was actually a woman around here about a month ago who didn't have her 4 year old daughter in a car seat, she wrecked, and her little girl died :( That is just senseless, completely senseless. This is one thing that I have felt strongly on since before Grace was born. I watch shows like Teen Mom, 16 and Pregnant, some of the shows on TLC, and just random other reality TV shows and I see so many car seats strapped in wrong, kids strapped in wrong, and kids not even strapped in at all. I think the worst one I can think of is Amber on Teen Mom. I watch as they are going down the interstate and little Leah is turned completely sideways in her car seat with no straps around her! How can you have your child not strapped in on the interstate?? I will just never understand it.

2. TV:
- Chris and I both agree that we do not want our children to have TV's in their bedrooms. There are several reasons for this.. One is that I have heard that children who are allowed to watch tv while going to sleep don't sleep as well. I don't know if this is true, but I know Grace has enough problems sleeping so I am not chancing it lol. The other two are firm reasons for us.. We don't want them spending ALL their time in their bedrooms. That is where their toys will be, so they will be in there when they want to play.. we don't want them in there when they want to watch tv too. It's kind of like forcing them into family time lol. I know I had a tv in my room and I barely ever came out. And Chris' brother has one in his room, and he basically has a panic attack if he isn't in his room constantly. It's just sad. The other reason is that we want to know what they are watching.. I used to watch stuff my mom didn't want me to (like Buffy or Charmed), and I would just switch the channel real quick when she came in. I don't want that with them.

3: What we approve of (kind of goes with TV):
At this point, I don't approve of anything over PG in movies, and I don't approve of some of the so called "kids" shows that are on tv today. I think there is wayyy too much violence, language that comes very close to being foul, and sexual connotation (especially on Spongebob and Cartoon Network). I really like Disney Channel because they stay away from most of that.. Nickelodeon and Cartoon Network I am not a fan of. As far as them getting older, PG-13 might as well be R and even X (sometimes) now-a-days. If my kids want to see a PG-13 movie after they are 13 I will be watching it first. I have seen plenty of girls topless in PG-13 and no 13 year old child needs to see that. Plus the language in PG-13 movies is quite horrendous..
However, I do not want to censor real life events.. I want my children educated on the war, criminals, etc. I will probably make it a point to have a time, like once a week, where we can sit down and discuss what is going on in the world.. good and bad.

4. Sex:
I completely realize that my children are eventually going to be able to figure out that mommy and daddy were not married when they were born. I figure this is going to make it hard to use the "sex before marriage is bad" argument. So I plan to educate my children on everything sex. My parents pretty much avoided that subject at all costs, and we all see how that turned out. I know that having a child young doesn't mean your life is over, but it does make it harder, and I don't want that for my children. And I definitely don't want them contracting some sort of STD, so I am going to stress safe sex.. I am still debating on whether or not to provide them with contraceptives before they ask though. I feel like if I provide it beforehand it might make them think I am giving the okay to have sex, but I feel like if I wait for them to ask, then they may not ask.. ugg.. parenting lol. What do you guys think about that??
I know one thing, I will NOT provide my children with a place to have sex. I know several people whose parents told them they could have sex in their rooms.. I'm sorry, but I'm not going to make it easy for them to have sex. Another thing is I am going to stress that they need to wait for someone they love.. not just give it up to the first person who comes along. I think this is one of the trickiest things about parenting..

5: Breastfeeding:
If you are covered there should be no problem.. plain and simple. There is no difference then wearing clothes when you are covered. However, I don't think women should openly breastfeed (i.e. uncovered). The media of this contry has completely over-sexualized breasts, so even though breastfeeding is not intended to be sexual in any way, it still is because breasts are involved. Many men, and many more young boys (with raging hormones) would love to use that opportunity to get a sneak peak.. which is just ewwww! That is why I always used a cover. And I hear a lot of women who are for openly breastfeeding who say using a cover is hard or makes it hard on the baby.. I'm sorry, but they are exaggerating. I was easily able to do it, and I was a teenager with no breastfeeding experience and major breastfeeding issues.
However, anyone who has a problem with women who breastfeed covered.. well they can shove it.. that's as nice as I can put it. There is no reason that should make them feel awkward. As I said before, with a cover it's just like being dressed.

6. Spanking:
I have sort of whacky views on spanking lol.. I believe that there are times when it is necessary, but should only be used as a last resort. I also believe that children should not be spanked with anything other than a hand (meaning switches, belts, paddles, etc.), and should only be spanked on the bottom or thigh (a slap on the hand is okay in my book too). There is one reason I don't think spanking should not be used at all, and that is to combat hitting.. If Grace hits someone, and then I hit her while I'm telling her hitting is wrong I think that will just confuse her. I am a big believer in positive reinforcement, but I have spanked when I believed it was necessary.

7. Being alone:
I am a completely paranoid mom when it comes to this..  I do not think children should be allowed to play outside alone, walk around the neighborhood alone, walk around the mall alone, etc. Now by alone I mean without an adult present. Almost every child abduction you hear of, the child was taken from the yard, taken from just down the street, etc. My absolute BIGGEST fear is that something will happen to one of my children, so I just cannot bear letting them be in a situation where they could easily be abducted. With that being said, I'm not saying I won't let them go outside or ride their bikes down the street or whatever, I am just saying I want to be with them. Either Chris or I will ride bikes with them, watch them play in the yard, drive them to the house the next street over, etc. It'll just make us more involved parents which isn't a bad thing lol.

There are many many more things, but these are just a few I feel very strongly on.

Also, Grace slept in her bed all night last night and only woke up two times!! From the time I got her to sleep to the time she got up in the morning she slept for 9 hours!! I am so proud of her :) Hopefully she continues to do this.

7 comments:

  1. First, that is awesome about Grace. And second, so this is kind of about rules? I may use some of yours, but if my opinion is different, I promise I am not trying to start something. lol.

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  2. Smoe of them are going to be rules, like the no TV in the bedrooms, them not going out alone, etc. And at some point I may feel comfortable with changing the rules as they get older.. Like walking around the mall.. I don't think it's a big deal if they walk around the mall alone at 16, but at 12 I'm not comfortable with it. And of course if they have licenses at 16 they will be alone a lot more, so I guess around 16 that rule will sort of change. And like I will have rules for what they watch, but that will change as they get older too.
    I'm like you, I am not as picky about what they listen to. My mom would only let me listen to Christian, but I feel as long as the song doesn't cuss or explicitly talk about sex or violence, then it's not a big deal.

    And trust me I really don't mind is someone sees it differently then me. I actually expect it because I know I have some whacky views on things lol. So I won't get offfended even if someone thinks I'm completely wrong because like I said, different things work for different people.

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  3. Car seats are an obsession of mine. I notice stuff on tv that really bugs me too.
    Tv...sighs...I had that same rule. No tv in the bedroom.....both Kaedyna dn Charleigh have a tv in their bedroom. But they are not a loud in their bedroom during the day. They will ask me for a certain toy and I will let them grab what they want out f there but that's all. They plain the playroom or in the living room. When we didnt have a play room I left their doors open and they could play in there but no tv. They only use it at night. I talked before about it akin Kaedyn forever to fall asleep so I finally gave in and let him watch one movie in bed at night and it actually keeps him in his bed and not into stuff and he falls asleep alot faster.
    I am like you. I will watch what they want to watch before give the ok. I also do not like nick or cartoon network. Theynmostly watch Disney junior and stuff on demand. Also I like Netflix because I can choose something for them.
    Sex is a hard one. I knew about sex since I could remember and all about safe sex but I still at a baby well I was a teenager. If they do get pregnant the bay is their responsibility and if Kaedyn gets a girl pregnant he is just as responsible for that baby as the girl is. No dead beat dad. Drew would kill him. I will be there for support but other than that they are taking care of that baby. I don't know about the talking to them before hand or what. I am confused about that also. I'm not sure.
    Breastfeeding is something that I am determined to try with the 4th whenever he/she comes along. I agree that a women should be properly covered and if so then she should be aloud to breastfeed where and when she likes.
    Punishment is another hard one around here. I have 3 different babies so 3 different ways(well not for Ellanoa yet). Kaedyn is better with reinforcement and time outs. Timeouts work for Charleigh sometimes but usually she gets a spanking. When I say spanking I mean a loud pop more than an actual beating though she has had some off those. I dont spank with anything but my hand and I only hit her hand or thigh/butt. I have popped her in the mouth but once again noise more than hurt. I only pop them in the mouth for their screaming after I warned them to stop.
    I am 100% with you on being alone. My children will never be alone. To many things can happen. Not even rightmoutside. It only takes a second for something to happen. Stuff even happens to teenagers especially girls. So they can hate me all they want but they are not a loud to be alone.

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  4. Haha maybe I should put a TV in Grace's room then if it would make her sleep better :p She actually falls asleep pretty well, but staying asleep is a whole different story for her lol.
    I love Netfilx, but unfortunately Grace will pretty much only watch Barney.. my head is about to explode with soooo much Barney lol. Every once in awhile I can get her to watch Sesame Street, but that's it. She likes the Wiggles, but they don't have that streaming on Netflix :( She pretty much only like TV if there are dressed up characters (like Barney or the dog and dinosaur on Wiggles) or puppets (like Sesame Street).

    I would even be willing to help them financially with a baby. I would expect them to get a job or be in school though. But I will not take care of that baby, and they will not be going out partying, etc. I just really hope it never comes to this, but I know that daughters of teen moms are highly likely to become teen moms themselves :(

    I think one of the main reasons I am against spanking is because I can't stand to watch Grace cry lol. I just can't do it. I am glad positive reinforcement is working at this point because I am going to hate to have to spank her lol.

    And yes, they may hate us for the not letting them be alone thing, but they will understand when they are older. Once they get their licenses they are going to be telling me exactly where they are going, what time they are going to be back, calling me to let me know they got there, and calling me when they are leaving.

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  5. Don't worry, Christina, Grace will probably get over Barney soon. Since last week Samantha has been like, Pft! Forget Barney!!! I want Word World! lol.

    Ya. I think I would be there to watch Samantha's kid while she did her schoolwork, and if she is still homeschooled, I want her to also do her activities, but I am hoping to be a good enough example that she will want to have her child with her and take care of it....Listen to us talking like it is definitely going to happen. Although, unfortunately there is a high chance. I just don't want her to be so scared to tell me that she runs away or gets an abortion or something. I want her to KNOW that if it happens, it is okay...But at the same time I don't want to say, "Go plan a teenage pregnancy like I did!" Ya know? Just...it's hard to think about.

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  6. I hope you are right! We are watching Backyardigans right now.. she seems to like it. It is a refreshing break for Barney lol.

    I am the same way, I want her to know she doesn't have to run away or get an abortion if it does happen, but I want to stress (beforehand) how life changing it truly is. We got lucky and got guys who stick around, but a lot of guys don't, and that would be so hard! Plus it makes school harder, money is a constant worry, friends drop you, etc. It can be very stressful when it's all piled together, and we have it pretty well as far as teen parents go lol. So I want to let her know I won't hate her for it, but if it does happen her life will be forever changed. I know it would have been a lot easier if I had waited, planned everything out, etc. I would never change anything now, but I'm now mature enough to admit that I may not be able to give her everything I might have been able to if I had waited.. That breaks my heart :(

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  7. Barney it on my frecking nerves because it is the same episode ALL THE TIME on PBS! We were watching it on Netflix, but that is when she got stuck on Word World.

    You are right. I think we have it really easy compared to other teen Moms. I feel blessed I get to stay home, because I lot of them have to work full time from the time they are born, even if they are in school. I can't imagine that. The one thing I regret though, is living with my Mom. The stress there was constant, and I think she would have been much happier if we had lived on our own. Instead she was a little over 18 months when we moved out. :(

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