Well, that was pretty awesome!

Yesterday, I went to the mall with one of my friends. We have been friends since 2nd grade, and I actually met Chris through her. I pretty much consider her family now because she is Chris' cousin.
She called and said she had nothing to do, so we decided to go to the mall. Unfortunately, Brentley picked yesterday to be in the worst mood I have ever seen him in! But we made it through it lol.

So anyway, I am pretty sure I have that body dismorphic disorder or whatever it's called. I have learned to love myself for who I am and focus on my assets instead of my flaws, but when I look in the mirror, I don't see a thin person. Every ounce of my believed this until yesterday. We were in American Eagle looking at their shorts, and she said she figured I was like a size 2. I laughed. I literally thought she was joking. I was dead set that I was a size 8. Then I realized that I was wearing American Eagle jeans - size 8, and they were too big, so I told her I was a 6. She was like, "Okay, but they are going to be too big." So, I try on a 6, and she was right! They were too big. So, I tried on a 4, and it was pretty much perfect. I was so excited! I haven't been a size 4 since I was like 16! I sold all my size 4 American Eagle jeans right after Grace was born because at that point I was like a size 10! I never thought I would be a size 4 again. Now, I'm kicking myself for that. American Eagle jeans are the only jeans I have ever found that fit me perfectly. I'm too darn short for any other jeans. And American Eagle jeans are no where near cheap, so now I really wish I had kept those jeans! I don't know what I weigh now, but I must have lost some more weight.

Okay, so here goes me being brave... I'm going to break it down for you. I was ALWAYS tiny, until I hit puberty at around 11 years old. I was only like 5' and I weighed about 145. I honestly don't know what happened. I grew a couple more inches, so I was 5'2, and I started high school at 14. I was too afraid to eat in front of people. I kid you not. I wouldn't eat breakfast oo lunch. It got to the point where I barely ate dinner. I lost 30 lbs before the semester was even over. Yet, I still thought I was fat! I was a freaking size 0, but I thought I was fat. I know, I know, I was crazy. When I met Chris, I was 15. After we had been dating for awhile, I felt less self conscious, and started eating more. I weighed around 140 when I got pregnant with Grace at 17. I was about 165 when I went into the hospital to have her. I lost it all, then I started taking birth  control and gained 30 lbs. I was 170. I stopped taking the birth control, and finally started losing some weight. I was at 163 when I got pregnant with Brentley. The nausea with him made me lose down to 150, however, the day I went into labor with him, I was 179. That is my highest weight ever. I know I was pregnant, but my body was just not built to carry that much weight. When I walked out of the hospital, I weighed 156. I was happy with that because that was a lot less that 170 lol. But I have kept losing since then. Last time I weighed myself, I was 138, so less than I was when I got pregnant with Grace! I'm not sure what I weigh now. I'm hoping like 130. We don't have a scale, so I'll have to wait until I go to my mom's to check. I really want to get back down to 125, which would put me at a size 2. I would LOVE to be 115 again, but I'm not sure that will ever happen.

I also need to work on toning my stomach because even though I weigh what I weighed before I ever had kids, I don't look the same. I have the little pooch.

These were both taken around the time that I weighed in at 138. The pants that I'm wearing in these pictures don't fit me now, so I know I have lost some since then.

I will work my butt off to keep from ever getting to the point I was once at. I am being proactive now, and taking steps to lead a more healthy life, instead of having to be reactive once I had already gained the weight.