The worst nightmare ever!

Oh gosh.. I really hope I don't start having these often.. at least once a week when I was pregnant I would dream that I had miscarried or delivered Grace wayyyy to early.. which of course meant I lost her. And my dreams always feel so real. I often wonder if I am even normal because when I wake up it sometimes takes me a moment to realize none of it really happened.
Anyway.. last night I dreamt that I was sleeping and when I woke up Chris told me that Grace had died! Oh it was just awful. All I could do was cry in the dream. I cannot imagine losing my baby girl, but the dream was so real. When I woke up I had to role over and make sure she was there (yes we co-sleep and that is how I like it). I really hope I don't start having dreams like that once a week like I did when I was pregnant. It is just too much to handle!
Funny note though.. Brittany, in the dream I texted you to tell you and you told me to get some alcohol to make the pain go away lol.
If I ever lost Grace I would probably just go crawl in a hole and never come out. I feel for anyone who has lost a child. I have never felt the pain of losing anyone close, but that dream showed me how painful it can be.


Good note.. I have her scrap/baby-book caught up to date finally! Only three major events left to put in it. trip to the pumpking patch, halloween, and everything that happens in her birthday week. Because I am going to end it after her first birthday party. After that I will just be doing holidays and special events/milestones.

Presents!

I was looking for a gamer chair to get Chris for his birthday and I found one on ebay that you could bid for. The good ones are $70 at least, but the bidding started at $9.99 for this one so I figured I try it. I have never used ebay before, but I won! I got it for $41. I know that is not $10, but it is a lot better than $70! I went ahead and told him about it because it will be here next week and there is not really anywhere to hide it here. He is super excited! I promised him I would take him to eat on his birthday so we will still celebrate.

I also found Grace a couple of medium size wheel pals for he birthday. I got her a bug and the purple elephant. I think they must have quit making them because I could only find those two and one other, but it had been played with and it was all scuffed up and dirty, so I didn't get it. If anyone is looking for a birthday present for Grace and you find any of the medium size (possiby the biggest size?) please get them! She loves them!

Also, Grace's halloween cosume arrived! But not without hassle. I preordered the costume on costumecraze.com. They told me that it would definitely be there in time for halloween. Well I didn't want to risk it because I kept checking back and they never had any in stock, so I started shopping around and I found the same costume on target.com and they has it in stock. I had to pay $3 more dollars on that website, but I think it was worth it to insure that we had it before halloween. It's really cute! They messed up the sowing in one part, but it's not very noticable, so I am trying not to let it make me upset lol.

Oh and Jessika, I mailed your package today! I'm guessing it will be there sometime next week :) I hope you like it!

Just a year ago..

Tomorrow will be Oct. 3rd, and that means only one month until Grace turns one!! It all went by so fast! It really seems like just yesterday that I found out I was pregnant.

I didn't have this blog when I was pregnant, so I wanted to talk about it a little bit..

I found out I was pregnant in March of 2009. I was in complete denial. I was two weeks late, and still "didn't think I was pregnant" so Chris bought the test and made me take it lol. You know how the results are supposed to take like 3 minutes to appear? Well mine instantly said positive, yet I thought maybe the test was wrong lol.  I took another one, which said positive too. There was no denying it. I as terrified.. not for myself, but for my baby. I wanted to be able to give my baby everything in life, and I knew that wasn't going to be easy as a teenager. I hadn't even graduated, still lived with my mom, and didn't have a stable job. However, I knew I was going to do the best I could for my child. It would take a lot of sacrifices, growing up, and hard work, but I was determined to be a good mother and give my child everything I could.

And now here I am :) I hae done better than I ever imagined I would. I am so glad I am able to provide a good life for my daughter!

Here are some pics from my pregnancy..

My little peanut! This was my first ultrasound at 10 weeks and she was only the size of a peanut :)

This is from my second ultrasond.. I don't remember what week it was.. it's in her baby book, but I don't have it with me. However, this is where we found out she was a girl!

These are from my 4D ultrasound at 28 weeks!

 And this is from my last ultrasound. I was 30-something weeks, so she was a little crapmed in there.

This is where Chris painted my tummy for halloween :) Grace's true first halloween costume lol.

I was 8 months here.

Not sure how far along.. but I like this one :)

I was six months here.

Only 4 and a half months here.. I didn't start reall showing until six months along.

And this is when I went into the hospital. Chris kept taking pictures of me lol. But this is the last pic I have of me when I was pregnant. Not to long after this little Grace was born!

Sort of random note.. when I was pregnant I only missed school when I had doctors appointments and I even tried to schedule my appointments for after school so I wouldn't miss if I could. And if I did have an appointment during school I would go to school when my appointment was over. On last weeks episode of Teen Mom I heard Catelynn say that her and Tyler missed a lot of school because she was pregnant. For starters.. I don't see how that is an excuse for Tyler at all! He was not pregnant. And for Catelynn.. I think being pregnant is only an excuse if you want it to be. Catelynn never had any issues with her pregnancy as we saw on her episode of 16 & Pregnant, so she really has no excuse. She didn't even have to prepare for her child, so she didn't have towork extra hours or anything.

Also, I do not believe that they didn't know they weren't going to graduate. I could see if they were both only one credit behind because of failing a class the last semester or something, but they were six credits behind! That is a whole years worth of class of they go by periods, and over a year if they go by blocks! There is no way they didnt know.

Also, Amber is being investigated by CPS for neglect and the Madison County Police Department for domestic abuse! The police department is also thinking of charging the producers of Teen Mom with failure to report a crime because they have had that footage for so long and done nothing about it, and I agree with that decision, but anyway.. finally somethingis being done about Amber!!