Judgment :(

I understand that being a teen mother brings judgment along with it, "she must be a slut." or "she must be an idiot." but I hate when people judge you on the type of mother you are when they don't even know you. I had my first real run in with this this past weekend since my daughter was born five months ago. I went to prom, and I wasn't even going to go, but my mom really wanted me to go to my senior prom, so she offered to buy my dress for me. I started crunching the numbers and figured that I would wear the shows I wore last year, not get my nails done,  and do my own make up to save as much money as possible. My fiance and I live together, so we decided all we had to pay for then was to rent his tux, and pay to get my hair done. I ended up winning a free make over through my school, so I got my hair, make-up, and nails done for free, which saved me the money of getting my hair done. We left our daughter with my mom, which we hardly ever do, and went out for the first time by our selves in over 2 months. It was a really nice night, and we got invited to go bowling afterward, so we went home and asked my mom if it would be okay because my daughter was already asleep, and she said it was fine. I kept my phone with my the whole time, in case she woke up and we needed to go home. While we were there I noticed some of the juniors from my school were there, and most of them staring at me like I was the worst person in the world.. I couldn't figure out why, but on Monday one of the girls that was with them told me that one of the girls told everyone I had a baby and that I was an awful mother for being out that late, so now they all think I am an awful mother. I have never left my daughter anywhere past 10pm, and that was also the longest I ever left her with someone. I come straight home from school (and I only go half a day) everyday to take care of her, and if I go anywhere she goes with me. The only friends I have now are other teen moms, and my fiance and none of them mind if I bring her. That is why I don't have any other friends because if they are doing something that I can't bring my daughter to I won't go.
It just really upset me that people think they can judge a person when they know nothing about them. Does this bother anyone else?

The Play Group!

I started a play group with some of my friends so we could get several young moms together and let the babies play. Our first time was a little rocky.. only four moms showed up including me.. there was supposed to be at least four more moms, but it was still a blast! Grace had a great time playing with Sami, Cayle, and her new friend Bailey. We had never met Bailey and her mom Amanda before, but I really liked getting to know her. I love meeting new moms.. who knew that being a mom is what would make me truly happy in life? And of course my two best friends Brittany and Erica came and brought their babies.. I have gotten a lot closer to Erica since we had our babies. We went through everything together.. the ups and downs, and even labor.. of course she had Cayle 50 minutes before Grace was born, but we were in labor just about the same amount of time, and I just know that Grace and Cayle are going to be great friend! And then there is Brittany.. I contacted her when I found I was pregnant because I had heard she was a really great mom, and it is totally true. She is one of the best moms I have ever met, and she is also a great friend. She is always there when I need someone to talk to or need advice about how to do something as a mom, and she is always there to lend a hand. I really don't know what it would be like without her. Oh and lets don't forget that Grace absolutely adores Sami! I really hope I get to know Amanda as well as I do Brittany and Erica because she seems like a great mom too, and Bailey is only three days younger than Grace so I think they would really be good friends one day too. For now Grace just liked staring at her lol.
I also hope that the other girls will be able to make it next time. I have only met one of the babies and I would love to meet the rest. It was really simple.. we just met at our local mall at the little play place it has and let the babies play while we talked. I think all the moms enjoyed it (I know I did), and I think all the babies did as well. I cannot wait until next time!

Grace was sick again :(

On Monday of last week Grace was taking a nap, but this nap was oddly long, so I went to check on her, and she felt like she was on fire. I immediately checked her temperature and it was 102.6.. whoa! She had no other signs that she was sick, and had been fine earlier in the day, she was really fussy, but I figured it was probably just a combination of the room being hot and her teething, so I just gave her some baby Tylenol and a little over an hour the fever broke, even though she was still fussy I figured it was just the teething and thought all would be fine. However, the next day she was even more fussy and would not even let anyone but me hold her, so I had to stay home from school, and around 6 pm (after her doctor had already closed) the fever returned. I knew something was up then. I gave her some more baby Tylenol and the fever went away, but returned as soon as the Tylenol wore off, and it continued this cycle all night. She also would not sleep that night.. she just cried and cried and cried. I actually asked my mom to watch her for me so I could get a little rest because I could barely hold my eyes open or my head up. I have never done that before when I didn't absolutely have to so that shows how desperate I was. The next morning I called the doctor to squeeze her in, but they could not see her until 11:30, so I stayed home with her again that day. She was just miserable. She wouldn't sit up or even smile, and that is not like Grace at all. She just wanted to lay against me and be rocked, or walked around. That was the only things that would keep her from crying and at times those things did not even work. Finally we got to go to the doctor.. we sat in the waiting room for what seemed like forever, but when we finally got back there he checked her out, and said that everything looked normal, so he was going to take some blood to do a white blood cell count. Immediately when I heard that my mind jumped to leukemia, because that is a test they do. Chris kept assuring me it wouldn't be that, but as a mother I couldn't help but panic inside. The nurse came and took some blood. She had to poke her twice because the first time didn't produce enough blood. Then she took the blood to be tested and when the doctor came back in he said a normal white blood cell count was 8,000 to 12,000 and Grace's was 20,000! That is good news in one way though because with leukemia the count would be low, not high. However, we still didn't know what was wrong. He said she was probably fighting off some sort of viral infection, and he sent us to the hospital to have tests done. The first thing they did was took two xrays of her chest, which Chris and I had to hold her down for. The next thing they did was take a urine sample with a catheter, then they took her temperature in her bottom and she had never had that before, then they took two things of blood for testing, and the last thing they did was give her a shot of antibiotics. For all of this stuff I had to hold her down while she struggled and cried.. I hated it.. she just kept looking at me like "Mommy, why are you letting them do this to me? Why are you letting them hurt me?" Also, they told me that the antibiotics would sting her, and you could tell they did because I have never heard her screams so loud! It broke my heart, but I knew it was for the best. After all that was done we had to wait 30 minutes to insure she didn't have a reaction to the antibiotics, she cried for 25 of those minutes. The next day I had to go back to school, so my mom watched her and then I took her back to the doctor when I got home as he requested. She had still been running a fever and crying for long periods of time, and when I told him that he ordered another shot of antibiotics. She didn't scream so much as cry that time which was good, and then we had to wait for 20 minutes there to insure she didn't have a reaction. She fell asleep after about 5 minutes this time, and when he came back in he told me that all the test he had gotten back so far were negative, and that he wanted to follow up the next day. I went to school while my mom watched her again. She had run a slight fever, but nothing like she had been, but she was still fussy. About an hour before we left she had diarrhea, but I think she was just cleaning the virus out of her system. When we went to the doctor he said everything was negative, so it was just a viral infection with an unknown cause. He told us to see how she was over the weekend, and bring her back if she didn't get better. This was Friday and I had to work that night, but when I left she seemed to feel better. She still didn't sleep well that night, but when she woke up the next morning she was her old self again. She is all better now :) The week of crying is finally over, which is a relief to me, but I am even more relieved that she finally feels better! I hate seeing her so miserable. 

Things that define me..

I am a mother.
I am a daughter.
I am a sister.
I am a fiance.
I am a best friend.
I am a Christian.
I am a woman.
I am a teenager.
I am a student.
I am inteligent.
I am loyal.
I am prompt.
I am a kind person.
I am easy to get along with.
I am thrifty when it comes to money.
I am not a fighter, but I will fight for what I believe is right.
I am a girly girl.
I am organized.
I am big on keeping track of the memories.
I am a person who sees that the little things in life do matter.
I am NOT a smoker, drinker, drug abuser, or partier.
I am a hard worker.
I am short.
I am strong.
I am a texter.
I am one of those people who likes to know what is going on.
I am a republican.
I am strongly against abortion as I believe it is murder.
I am constantly taking pictures and videos.
I am almost always busy.
I am aspiring to be a teacher.
I am getting used to this new life and loving every minute of it.
I am me.. Christina Amber.